Ode to HAIR

Gimme head with hair
Long beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming,
Streaming, flaxen, waxen

Give me down to there - hair
Shoulder length or longer
Here baby, there mama
Everywhere .......

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as I can grow it
My hair

(from the Broadway play HAIR)

The days are numbered for my hair.  People tell me it's not a big deal - "it's only hair".  Well, it is after all only my hair. 

And it is a BIG deal.  Companies make billions of dollars from hair products.  People want thicker, straighter, curler, blond, red, black, weaved, permed oh.... and let's not forget Rogaine - people WANT hair!  It is part of our identity - who we are.  How many women have said "I'm having a bad hair day" or told another woman that their hair looks great?!  

HAIR

Maybe it seems shallow or vain to focus on losing my hair when the poison that is taking away my hair could save my life.  BUT still.... 

I wanted a "proper" send off for my HAIR.

So I found some pictures of my hair over the years... 

Left corner:  Nursery School - 4 yrs  Right corner: 3rd grade  Bottom Left: 6th Grade  Bottom Right: 7th Grade

 

Left Corner: Sophmore  Right Corner: Junior  Bottom: Senior

I had "several" interesting hair styles since high school.  At one time my hair was PERMED - thankfully that was a VERY short phase..... ugh

Then came the short, dark hair phase...  

By the time Scott and I got married in 2007 - it was back to blond and a little longer...

  2011

 

August 2012

 

TODAY

So goodbye to my hair... I have about a week left of looking like myself.  I will miss my hair! We've had a good run!! I know it will grow back ..... hopefully NOT looking like that perm! 

  

The Sun Will Come Out....

TOMORROW....  

 

But it actually came out TODAY!  

TODAY was a wonderful day!

I felt great - better than I've felt since before my surgery!!

Work was even good!

(not that it isn't, usually)

Scott picked me up after my last meeting

He took me to MOOCHIES for a yummy steak and everything sandwich.

I could even TASTE it today (yesterday things didn't taste too good).

THEN a BIG surprise!!

Scott drives into the parking lot of PICTURELINE.

ok - I had no idea what this place did....

SELLS cameras!!

Last night I had another meltdown.

(these have got to be getting old)

I told Scott I needed something to do so I would STOP 

thinking/talking/dreaming about cancer all the time!

So he bought me a CAMERA!

TODAY!! 

A Nikon D5100 with one lens

and a cool camera bag (a sling) 

AND a DVD so I can figure out what I'm doing!! 

WAHOO!!  A Hobby!!

I am so excited 

Overwhelmed with all this fancy technology

BUT very excited to learn and have a distraction

We have no idea from day to day what this crazy disease

 will do or how my body will react to all the drugs.

So we will enjoy the sun on the good days, 
take pictures, laugh and smile so on the harder days

 I can remember that the sun will come out 

and life can and will be good again.

Chemo Treatment #1

The wait is over. My port, body and I came face to face with the chemo infusion needle Friday, August 24th at approximately 12:05 pm.

Scott and I actually left the house at 9:45 to run a couple of errands on our way for my 11:00 appointment with my doctor. I REALLY needed to stop at the drug store and pick up my anti-nausea medicine.  That's a HIGH on the TO DO list!!   

Scott and me leaving the house.  

We are ready for this!!

  
My appointment was at 11:00.  I first had my blood sucked, for testing, from my PORT.  This was a totally new experience (another one) as I've had blood drawn from my one vein in my right arm since Feb 2009 when my ITP went crazy.  AND when I had chemo for my ITP last year (4 weeks) I had the IV in an arm each time. So getting stuck in the chest in my PORT made me a little nervous.  I DID NOT feel a thing!!  IT WAS WONDERFUL.  Another blessing!!

I then met with Dr. Bott. at 11:00.  I have to say - he is a marvelous, kind and very knowledgeable man and I'm so grateful to have him on my side!  He asked how I was feeling and looked at my chopped up body from surgery to see if he felt my little ole' body was ready to take on the chemo poison.  And I was!  GOOD - let's get this fight finished!! We had a little discussion about the difference between the Rituxen I had for ITP last year and the incredibly harsh, strong, kill every cell that re-generates - chemo drugs I'm getting this time.  Oh Rituxen... how I miss you!

Scott and I then went into the chemo room and found a corner - there were about 16 other people there at that time. I think I was the only newbie.  Scott got me some ice chips, I leaned back in the recliner - put my blanket around my legs and my lovely "prayer shawl" (from my friend Ruth) on my arms.  Opened my PINK bag (from my friend Lyn) pulled out my goodies and toys and I was ready to go! And go we did! 

I was first given a couple of IV's for nausea - oh yeh!! Those I want!!  Then I had some benedryl.... which I don't remember much after that.  I slept!  That stuff makes me so tired.  I then had an IV (one at a time) of each chemo drug.  The last was Herceptin which took 1 1/2 hours to drip into my body.  

We left around 5:15 pm.  LONG day.  I think, since I slept for a hour or two, Scott played games on his iPad while I laid there in the recliner with my mouth hanging open (no pictures!!).  When I was awake he was getting me Sun Chips (salt sounded good) water and ice chips.  He was an excellent CHEMO BUDDY!! I sure do love this guy!

When we got home there were 3 PINK balloons attached to my mailbox and 3 PINK balloons attached to our welcome bear. So 6 balloons for each of my tough treatments.  I brought them in and tied them around my bannister.  These were from Jenni and her family!!  Thanks - these made me smile when we pulled up to the house!!

Once inside I found a vase of beautiful flowers, a divine cupcake from Dippidee (which I ate in 2.3 seconds - I did share with Scott)  and a sweet card from Annie and her family.  She told me that Max thought I would like PINK flowers.  (notice no cupcake - it was gone!)

Well, I've never been a fan of the color of Pink.  But I'm telling you - since July 3rd it has become my new favorite color.  Mostly for what it represents to me:  All the millions of women worldwide that are fighting breast cancer and fighting to save their lives - for more time with the ones they love.  It represents a journey of redefining priorities and strengthening relationships with family and increasing faith in God and the unknown.  It represents these many "angels" in my life that are my neighbors and friends that are coming out of the woodwork to support me.  They, along with my loving family,  are touching my life deeper then I even dreamed possible.  Even with the several (ok - many) meltdowns I have had, I am finding a renewed strength and power that has laid dormant for awhile. 

I don't think I'm one to whine much (at least I hope I'm not) but I have been down a few rough roads and had a few tough challenges during the past 15 years.  Through all those challenges I have learned that there is no clear road in my (or anyone's)  life.  Actually - life is more about Plan B, C and I think I'm on Plan D.  I have a lovely friend (Suzy Toronto) who sent me this thought (among many) but it fits.  

Everything always works out in the end...

if it hasn't worked out yet,

it's just not the end!

Time to get ready to  go back to the doctor's office today (Saturday) for a shot of Neulasta to help keep my white blood cells happy.  Now if the nausea will just go totally away!!

Twas' the Night Before...

Chemo and all through the house,
Not a Boyle was sleeping -
I ironed my blouse!

Our thoughts were on Friday,
For the unknown is here
We answered calls and emails
From many so dear. 

As I eat yummy chocolates,
Wear new earrings, look at hats
I realize how blessed
My life and future is at.

I would be totally amiss if I did not share my thoughts of the gratitude I feel towards a loving Heavenly Father and to my wonderful husband, family and friends that "have my back" (as Randy says) over the last 6 weeks.  Friends that I haven't seen or talked to in years as well as current friends from work and my neighborhood have called, emailed and/or dropped by with supportive and loving thoughts and words.  My children, siblings and cousins have either called or sent a text daily to see how I'm doing and to offer their love and support. I could never say enough for what Scott has done for me. One never realizes how much a thoughtful word or hug can sustain someone through rough days and "meltdowns" until they become that person.

Dear family and friends - thank you so much for your love, support and prayers.  I am stronger because of you.  I don't know what reaction I will have with each chemo treatment but I do know that I will have strength, hope, faith and endurance because of your love, support and faith and because of the blessings of the Atonement and a kind and gracious Heavenly Father.   

My daughter-in-law Annie once stated in a dinner prayer that "we love each other very much".  I feel that way about all of you.  Thank you for taking the time from your busy lives to include me.  I will forever be a better person because of all of you - my family and friends.

Love to you all~
Jeri

Family Time

In the midst of all my stress about my cancer, the upcoming treatment and recovery from surgery - August 4th came.  That day was the start of a great week of family!  Rusty, Collette and Owen came in first thing in the morning followed by Rick and Anna later that evening.  I was 2 weeks out of surgery so Randy and Annie hosted most of the family activities.  It was the most wonderful week to have all my family together.  I appreciated so much how concerned they all were for me. 

Some of our activities during the week~

We had family pictures taken at Thanksgiving Point!  

   Rusty, Collette and Owen

 

Randy, Annie, Hank, Max and Sam

 

Jenni, Lynn, Dyson, Colby and Lennon

 Rick and Anna

Me and Rick

Me and Rusty 

Some other FUN activities~

 

Scott spinning Owen in the chair  (Owen had a blast - so did Scott)

 Owen waving... I think he wanted my camera~

Lennon and Sam sharing a quiet moment together ... playing ~ (they always reach for each other and hold hands)

Owen having a leisurely bath in the kitchen sink~

 Lunching together as a family at Cafe Rio~

Cousins posing for a cute picture at a BBQ at Randy and Annie's house~

   (Hank holding Owen, Dyson holding Lennon, Sam in front.

     Missing Max and Colby - they were jumping on the tramp)

 Anna having a little quiet time on her computer before she goes home~

Waiting... waiting... waiting...

Sam~

Lennon~

My Fab Four

We had a great week with fun memories. I couldn't have asked for more~ 

NAILS.... Be Gone!

Nothing is ever easy with this evil called cancer.  As one's life tumbles out of control (or at least it feels that way) - it seems that nothing recognizable about myself will be able to stay.

If all goes as planned - I am scheduled to begin chemo on Friday, August 24th.  I will have 6 treatments which will be 3 weeks apart.  My hair will fall out 17 days after my first treatment.  Lovely... that's a Monday morning.. I might call in sick that day. I'm sure I'll be feeling that way.  Then the eyebrows and eyelashes fall out... isn't this fun?  Not to mention - even the nose hairs!  So, if I get a runny nose....  I'm not even going there in this blog!!  The craziest thing of all is that I will still need to SHAVE my legs!  It just makes some sort of crazy sense that the hair I wouldn't mind losing - stays.  Ahh chemo....

I thought my doctor would be concerned about ITP as chemo kills platelets.  He didn't seem to worried about that but is more concerned about my lack of having a spleen.  His concern is for infection as I'm already auto-immune compromised and chemo increases that chance as well.  

So to level the playing field as much as I could I decided to have my acrylic nails removed. This is no easy thing for me.  I started painting my fingernails in 7th grade and have never stopped.  I added the acrylic about 20 years ago and went to the pink and white look about 10 years ago. I've always liked doing my nails as my fingers are the skinniest part of me. I will probably still paint them but I won't have the acrylic - as doing so involves little drills and files and things that can cut you. 

I went to my normal nail haunt to have "them" removed.  My nail guy (Justin) didn't want to try and take them off as he was afraid he would hurt me. So he filed and clipped them then said to come back in 2 weeks as he could get them off.  I went to pay him and he would not take any money.   He said he wanted to do something for me. 

I started out feeling sorry for myself because it feels like everything is changing in my life.  Yes, some things are changing but the goodness and kindness of family and friends, which was always there, has become more evident.  

I'm lucky - my awesome nails-that-I-love might be gone but I still have a wonderful group of family and friends surrounding me. 

What's NOT to Like About CHEMO???

A PORT: 
Yes - it's ugly - kindof a big BUMP in my skin.  Plus you can see the "tube" running up my neck. 

BUT - the PORT will save my veins from being stabbed and abused throughout my treatment. PLUS - the way the Port is installed - the Chemo is pushed  by the heart and distributed more quickly throughout my body.  Apparently, that will be easier on me as well.  So I might have to "like" my Port. 

The DRUGS:

 Taxotere- SIDE EFFECTS:  

low white/red  blood cell count

fluid retention with WEIGHT GAIN

neuropathy

nausea

diarrhea

mouth sores

HAIR LOSS (except I will still need to shave my legs)

Fatigue (apparently - a lot!)

Infection

Nail Change (color and/or LOSS)

Vomiting

Muscle/bone/joint pain

Low Platelet Count (as if I haven't heard THAT before!)

Liver functioning Issues

Paraplatin - SIDE EFFECTS:

Nausea

Vomiting

Taste Changes

HAIR LOSS

Weakness

Blood abnormalities

abdominal pain

Diarrhea 

Constipation

Mouth Sores

Infection

Neuropathy

Dizziness

Confusion

Visual changes/problems

Ringing in the ears or hearing loss

Herceptin - SIDE EFFECTS: (this drug I will take until August 2013)

Headache

Diarrhea

Abdominal pain

back pain

infection

flu-like symptoms

vomiting

cough

shortness of breath

pharyngitis

insomnia

rash

dizziness

swelling

HEART issues

  

Of course this is a huge list of side effects - and most likely I won't get ALL of them.  Some are definitely going to happen.  Losing the hair will happen - 17 days after the first treatment.  Nausea is huge as well but there is an anti nausea IV I receive during treatment and pills to take at home.  Apparently, drinking lots of water and sucking on ice chips help.  Weakness, fatigue, swelling, appetite changes, aches and pains, constipation (me for sure) are the most common.  I definitely WILL NOT like these problems. 

Is there anything to "LIKE" about Chemo?
                                  Positive Side Effects: 

Survival

Remission

Hanging with my kids 

Watching my grandchildren grow up

Being with Scott until we are old and gray  

There is SO MUCH more to "like" than "not like" about Chemo!  Chemo will SAVE my life! Go CHEMO!!  Do your BEST work for me!!  I am on "your" side! We will fight this ugly, evil cancer together~

 

I Want It All!

Not surprising - confusion and questions abound when a family member or friend is diagnosed with cancer.  I will try to do a little clarification - at least to the point that I understand.

My daughter questions why I need chemo or at the very least a mild chemo with few treatments as the tumor was removed and my lymph nodes were "clear".  I must agree that she has excellent points so I will try to explain....

My cancer is classified as HER2+ breast cancer.  The HER2 gene is responsible for making HER2 protein. When two copies of the gene are present in normal amounts, the protein plays an important role in normal cell growth and development. This is good and normal and the story for 75% of those diagnosed with breast cancer.

So the other 25% of women (me) with breast cancer have a genetic alteration in the HER2 gene that produces an increased amount of the growth factor receptor protein on the tumor cell. This over-kill of growth protein causes the cells to divide, multiply, and grow more rapidly than normal. Research has shown that women with HER2+ breast cancer have a more aggressive disease, greater likelihood of recurrence, poorer prognosis, and decreased survival compared to women with HER2- breast cancer (75%).

Some of us have ALL the luck!

The abnormal gene only starts in breast cancer cells but can spread - quickly.  So this is one reason that my treatment isn't an open and shut quick case.

The second reason... my doctor did say after surgery that my lymph nodes were clear.  However, the final pathology report came back showing metastasized cancer in one lymph node.  Also, there is no way to ever know that every cancer cell was "removed" during surgery.  Most likely I have other little cancer cells floating around in my body.  There can be micro-metastases that can't even be picked up by scans.

Once you receive the big "C" diagnoses you must decide for yourself how to fight for your health, your future and your life.


I want it all!

No Matter What and Forever.... Family (extended)

I'm taking a break from cancer today.... well, not true.  I doubt I will ever take a break from thinking about cancer again... at least for a year or two.  But today was a really nice day!  I wanted to write about a good day so when things get tough in a few weeks I can reflect back on today.

Last July we lost the last member of my dad's immediate family - my aunt Ruth.  The previous November my mom passed away who was the last member of her immediate family.  One of THREE girl cousins on my dad's side - decide to have a cousin family reunion while we were all still hanging around.  We have already lost 2 cousins and time is ticking on the rest of us.

I've written a lot about my amazing children and their spouses and my grandchildren.  Today while I was at the "first ever Reid Cousin Reunion" I realized how wonderful and important it is to keep contact with extended family as well.  The support and love I was shown today (and earlier through emails and calls) is humbling. There really is strength in numbers.

I am grateful to be a part of this bunch of Reid's and for their love,

 support and prayers on my behalf. 

  Carolyn (husband Paul)

Gene (his wife Betty was ill and could not come)

 Margaret (we have been very close)

My cousin Jack's daughter Sherry

Sheryl

 Donald and his wife Nan

Reid and his wife Barbara

Don and his wife Margaret

Ray and his wife Georgia

 Paul (married to Carolyn)

ok.. cool story here.. Paul is my mom's nephew

Carolyn is my dad's niece.  My mom and dad

hooked them up and the rest is history~

Awesome husband Scott

Margaret's husband Sterling

Me and my brother Alan

He has been my best friend since I was 11 months old

yes.. truly

Me and Sheryl

sisters who loved Barbies and Liddle Kiddles... oh yeh!

Sheryl and her husband Steve

Alan and his wife Pam

One Day at a Time

It has almost been 2 weeks since my surgery.  Today I actually feel more like myself!! I even straightened my hair and put on my necklace.  I have a doctors appointment with my surgeon this morning.  Hopefully she won't hurt me now that I'm starting to feel better.  

I did have a funny experience on Tuesday.  My plastic surgeon gave me some muscle relaxers as I've had cramps in my back.  Thankfully I only took ONE pill but I was ZONKED!  I was so relaxed I think my TEAL toenails were even relaxed!!  

Well, off to the doctor.... wish me luck!!