This is totally a lie! Frankie Vallie and the Four Seasons had it all wrong!
Big Girls Do Cry
* When they see themselves for the first, second, third, fourth... time after a bilateral mastectomy
*When they have gained 10 pounds in a week after losing 40 over 6 months
*When their legs are totally swollen
*When they run out of pain meds and the pharmacy won't refill when the doctor calls as they want a written prescription and he is out of town
*(this is fun) when the ole' bowels are on strike
*When the tubes hanging out of her body attached to the drains gets pulled...
*When her grandbaby visits and she CAN NOT hold her/him in her lap!
*When everyone tells her that she is so strong and so brave and she knows she's not. She doesn't want this to be her anymore than anyone else does.
*When the old nemesis "discouragement" shows up
*When she realizes it has only been 26 days since the diagnosis but it feels like a lifetime
*When she sees that everyone elses life is going forward and she feels trapped
*When she prays
I forgot to mention pain meds make you constipated. Had to take stuff every time with the pain meds to counteract. You are stronger than you think even though you don't think you are. You are so insightful. Everything you wrote seems so true. You are not trapped, it gets better, slowly but it does, just hold on!
ReplyDeleteHang in there Jeri! Soon enough you'll be looking back thinking, "I don't know how I made it through, but I did!"
ReplyDeleteGo ahead and SCREAM, CRY and YELL, kick the tissue ( since you cant kick the wall) Get it all out... Its O.K. you have a right to be mad, angry and why me? Then when you cant cry any more... take a deep breath and say I CAN DO THIS! We Love You Jeri! Bruce and Margie
ReplyDeleteI agree with you 100%
DeleteOh yes we do - sometimes a LOT - and it's ok. I cannot even begin to imagine what you're going through - the pain, both physical and emotional - but your words are poignant and take me right back to diagnosis, treatment, and recovery. And there is a recovery, even if it's barely in sight right now. But some days it's ok to just let go, to not feel strong (personally, I always felt like "I'm not strong, just what choice do I have but to go through this?"), to feel sorry for yourself. What you're going through is monumentally hard and some days it's ok to let someone else be strong for you til you summon the will to deal again. Whatever you feel it's ok. You will cycle through so many emotions and feelings, and some days are just better (or worse!) than others. And you get a pass when the days are bad. You are fighting cancer and all the havoc it wreaks; there's gonna be some PTSD. But this is your battle and you get to fight it your way. I admire you Jeri, and I love you, weak or strong, happy or sad. And remember, no one fights alone.
ReplyDelete~ Lyn
Peace <3 Love <3 Cure
I agree with Bruce & Margie let it all out. and then remember you are a child of god and special to lots of people
ReplyDelete