It's a Halloween PAR - TY !!

On October Thirty One

 when the sun goes to rest~

It's the night of Halloween

 when FUN is at it's best

YEP!  It's that awesome time of year again.  Witches, pumpkins, ghosts and candy!  I'm not really sure WHY I like Halloween so much.  I don't like zombies and I don't like evil-looking hatchet-cropping goons.  But I like the fun of dressing as something you're not and wearing crazy makeup.  I like wigs and flashy accessories.

This year I had my 3rd annual Grandma's Halloween party.  I was actually pretty excited when my 15 year old grandson asked if I was going to have my party and then came!!  The other kids were excited as well and dressed in their finery.  My guests included: Mike, from Monsters, Inc. (aka Sam), Little Red Riding Hood (aka Lennon), a Teenager (aka Dyson), the Mystery Man (aka Colby), a Ninja Zombie (aka Max) and a Zombie Football Player (aka Hank).  Annie, Randy, Jenni and Scott were lurking around as well.  

The games were awesome as always.  The kids have LOTS of enthusiasm when in heated competition.

On game was to guess the number of Candy Corns in the pumpkin jar.  Hank - my cute little DIABETIC grandson - won!!  He knows his candy!!

Hank, Randy, Sam and candy corn jar

The big hit in the prize area was a toy called the "giggle tube".....  let your imagination run with that one!

Lennon playing with her "giggle tube"

The kids couldn't get enough of "Monster Twister".  Even when the party was done they kept playing.  They even challenged Randy to a game.

Max twisting away

Colby playing it safe

Hank calling out the moves 

Randy gave up and went back to walking the World Series while the kids kept playing.  Is he getting old??

Who is winning? The Twister game or the World Series?

 Mike (aka Sam) is enjoying watching the boys play....

Next year Sam... maybe

The following night Jenni dressed up as ........ something scary.... to take Dyson and two of his friends on a Halloween adventure .... visiting haunted sites in American Fork. The boys didn't know who was driving them around at first.

BOO!  

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!! 

Making Strides 2013

Let's make BIGGER strides and END Cancer - All kinds

Let's research treatments that work against Stage IV cancers

SATURDAY OCTOBER 12, 2013 - American Cancer Society Making Strides Against Breast Cancer. Once again I had amazing support with so many family and friends that showed up at Liberty Park.  I also had support from numerous family and friends that could not be there.  Believe me, every single person's support means SO much!!  THANK YOU, truly, from the bottom of my heart.  I love you all so much!!

But I'm getting a little ahead of myself.  For several weeks I have experienced a bad pain in the back of my leg, behind my knee.  Once you've had cancer these things make you a little nervous.  I felt around (many times) for anything that resembled a lump.  FINALLY on Monday I called the doctor's office. The nurse was concerned that it might be a blood clot so I went in for an x-ray and ultimately an ultra sound.  It turned out to be a "bakers cyst" which is fluid collecting.  I was given 800 mg Ibuprofen and told that sometimes exercise will help.  Ok - hard to exercise when you can't walk but.....  Anyway, Friday night it was very very painful and I could hardly walk by the time I went to bed.  MY walk (that I had been planning on for months) was the next morning!!!  I was awake most of the night elevating my leg and doing the ice pack thing.  

Saturday morning - Wahoooo - it felt better!  I could walk without too much of a limp.  Scott and I donned our Walkers For Knockers shirts and headed up to Salt Lake City to meet our team!! 

Walkers For Knockers 2013

I had some great supports again this year!!  I can always count on Scott.  He was the official photographer for me.  Plus my "crutch" after the walk.

Scott and I leaving for the walk

I appreciate and am grateful that Jenni, Lynn and kids and Randy, Annie and kids live close and that they have been so supportive of me this past year.  They are all so busy with their own lives.  

Jenni, Dyson, Colby, Lennon and I

Randy, Annie, Hank, Max, Sam and I

From Scott's family - Nick, Cameron, Tiffany and McKennah came to walk with us.  Nick has actually worn a 'pink' bracelet in support of finding a cure for Breast Cancer for over one year.

Cameron, Tiffany and McKennah

Nick, me, Hank, Janell

I was fortunate to have some good friends show up as well.  Helen and I reconnected via Facebook.  Helen is actually my former (step) daughter in-law. She and her brother, Andrew,  came. They actually ran the walk but it was great to see them.

Andrew, Helen, me, Colby, Hank

My amazing friends Janell and Angie both came.  Angie's husband Chad and their daughter came with her.  Jenni's friends (and mine!) Meisha (she came last year) and Kelly came as well as their daughters.

me, Angie, Chad, Mattie, Janell

Meisha, Jenni, Kelly

AND there was MORE support from those who couldn't make the walk.  Rusty, Collette and Owen back in Wisconsin.  Rick and Anna in Portland.  My sister Sheryl in Arizona and my brother Alan, his wife Pam and daughter Nicki in Las Vegas.  My nephew Daniel attending dental school, Scott's brother Bruce in St George and his ENTIRE family.  My amazing and special friends Jill and Charlotte (aka Charly).  

My sweet Wisconsin family
Rusty, Collette and Owen

My cute Portland couple
Rick and Anna

My sister Sheryl in Arizona
She even wore her shirt to the  doctor's office

My brother Alan, his wife Pam and daughter Nicki
Las Vegas

Nephew Daniel - dental school
Las Vegas

Bruce and Margie Boyle and their family
St George

Amazing friend Jill
(she's waiting for knee surgery so couldn't walk)

SUPER HERO friend Charly (aka Charlotte)
My cancer/chemo buddy! 

So many other family and friends supported me in my walk with well wishes and thoughts AS WELL AS supported me throughout this past year!  I am so grateful and love you all!

More random pictures from the walk~

Max and Hank had pink hair 

Starting out

And we're off!!

Jenni, Kelly, Meisha and kids

Coming in at the end

Annie and Sam

We made it!!

 That evening Scott and I went up to Sugar House Park for Charly's 'LIGHT the Night Walk' for Leukemia to support her and her family.  That was another great event!  We received a lantern (light for the walk).  Yellow was In Remembrance,  White was Survivor and Red was Supporter.  They gave me a White as I'm a cancer-y person too.  It really was an amazing site to watch all those colors walk around Sugar House park in the dark.  

Team Charly's Angels

Grateful that I could 'Light the Night' for Charly!

It was an amazing day!

Begrudge Me Not

I have read comments on Facebook and on several blogs from women (mostly stage IV breast cancer) who HATE all the pink in October. They are upset with the way that supporting "pink" has become a way for a person or an organization to "make a buck".  I am in total agreement that there are a lot of people abusing the fight and/or cause of Pink and breast cancer. I can appreciate and somewhat support their opinion.  I don't like people using Breast Cancer as a way to get others to support their trips to a run or bike in a race.  I don't like the little pink packages and all the pink items in the stores that will donate very little, if anything, to finding treatments for advance cancer.  People are making money off of others sympathy and concern.  It's not right.

I do not know what it feels like to be at Stage IV with breast cancer.  I hope I will never find out.  However, I do know what it is like to be scared about what being diagnosed with cancer means, worried about how much things will change and praying that the chemo works.  I know what it's like to "look" alright on the outside but feel lousy on the inside.  I know what it's like to wake up in the morning and have a meltdown because you don't want to receive another treatment of chemo.  I know what it's like to see the hurt and tears in your loved ones eyes.

I support the "pink" American Cancer Society walk. I support their quest to finish the fight and get a cure for cancer. I have a team name.  The name would totally offend those that "hate" pink and think the world as a whole is making "light" of breast cancer.  Believe me, nothing about Breast Cancer is "light". This cancer has changed my life forever. It's taken things from me - physical things - that I will never get back.  My daughter suggested the name of my team while I was in the mist of chemo treatments and recovering from surgery. We knew cancer was terrible. The surgery was horrible - the chemo treatments were becoming more brutal with their side effects.  We didn't want to dwell on terrible.  We wanted to be able to wear pink, do a walk and smile.

I found at the ACS walk last year, a lot of support.  Yes, there was some rah rah rah-ing going on (we didn't get into that).  Yes, there was a lot of pink and booths with free items.  BUT there were also a lot of women there that had gone through a similar experience as I was experiencing.  There was SUPPORT.  

So while my Stage IV cancer sisters might not like the support I give in wearing a T-shirt and doing a walk with ACS - I want them to realize I do this for the support I receive.  I would ask that their criticism be directed to those that do not use the money raised, appropriately. I would ask that they do not begrudge me for where I go or what I do for support.  I wish for a cure for cancer - especially late stage.  I pray for that and for them, daily.  

BTW... I'm really not a fan of pink!  

Cure Cancer
Beat Cancer
End Cancer

The Long and Winding Road....

I told both Scott and Jenni that I was going to end this cancer blog after my final chemo.  They said I needed to wait through my surgery. Now I'm not even sure if that is an ending.  Cancer never ends! It might hide for a few years - hopefully for many, many years - but it always "there" somewhere.

That's Right!! Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer!!

Yesterday, Friday the 13th, I had another surgery.  I wasn't too worried just a tad anxious - who wouldn't be, right?  Right away there was the problem with my insurance.  My doctor sent a Pre-Auth for this surgery back around the end of July.  Mid August it was all approved but one little procedure, which was listed as experimental.  Funny thing... that ONE little procedure turned out to be a BIG procedure.  My insurance denied the mesh sling that my doctor needed to use. That is a big deal!  So my doctor wrote a letter explaining and asking for their approval.  TWO days before the surgery the insurance denied it again!!  Let's just review.... I am not adding implants to a pair of existing breasts.  NO I have implants but my breasts are non existing!  I have NO tissue and very little muscle so the sling is used to hold them in place.  So what was my doctor suppose to use?? TWO days before the surgery my doctor's office faxed research documentation, the FDA approval information to my insurance as well as a rep from the (mesh) company called them.  Thursday morning a person at the insurance tells my doctor that they will need to present this information to the board - next week - and my surgery should be canceled.  Yeh.. the DAY BEFORE.

Wow... I had already (of course) scheduled the time off work and arranged coverage for emergencies.  Not to mention the mental process one goes through to prepare for surgery.  Interesting tidbit on this entire thing.  The insurance did approve an older type of mesh which COSTS MORE than the one my doctor wanted to use.  We went ahead with the surgery with the plan of using the older version of the mesh sling.  I was a little leery but my doctor said it would be alright.  Enter: two heroes.  The company rep (of the newer mesh) told my doctor to use his mesh and between him and my doctor they would make it right so I didn't have to pay if the insurance came back next week with another denial.  Seriously?!!  The world is really full of very good, kind people!!!

So surgery was back on.  Scott and I headed to the hospital at 10:30.  I have to throw out a lot of kudos to American Fork hospital.  The nurses and doctors are so kind and really seem concerned.  I have NEVER had a bad experience there.  I was pretty much a wimp when it was time for the IV.  The Anesthesiologist put in the IV.  He was planning on my foot (yikes) as I've had lymphnodes out of both arms BUT my surgeon who removed the lymphnodes in question happened to come into the Pre-Surgery room right at that moment.  She said I could have the IV in my right arm as only 2 or 3 nodes were removed from that side.  OH HAPPY DAY!!

The surgery was about 90 minutes and I stayed in recovery about that same time.  I did get an anti-nausea patch along with all the anti-nausea drugs so I haven't been sick this time.  I got home about 5:30 and my wonderful neighbor, Marnee, brought us dinner.

It has been a very long day.  Even at that - and all the pain meds I'm on - I have insomnia tonight.  THAT was the one reason I was looking forward to the surgery. I thought with all the pain meds - I would sleep and sleep and sleep!!  Silly me~

Before Surgery - we were laugh/kissing - HA!

On Our Way to the Hospital

We TOTALLY Celebrated!

CHEMO  DONE!!

When I got home from my LAST chemo - 

I was surprised by some beautiful flowers from Rick and Anna.  

I'm sure the delivery guy had never seen  such a cheesy grin as I had on my face!

Flowers from Rick and Anna

Rusty, Collette and Owen called to give some cheers!

I love Facetime!!

That evening Jenni, Lynn and their kids  along with Randy, Annie and their kids -  came over for some major celebrating!  

Randy and Annie had just flown in from NYC - so I knew they were tired but they still wanted to celebrate.  

We are all happy and smiling - Wearing our Pink Beads

Pink Balloons to go with the flowers and our Pink Theme

Lennon in her festive pink dress

We started out with some delicious food from Cafe Rio~

So GOOD!!  

Colby, Randy and Max

We had a plethora of delicious drinks to choose from.

Randy, Max, Scott and Lynn

We then continued the celebration with some wonderful cake.

This says it all!!

Lynn, Lennon, Jenni, Hank and Colby

Annie and Sam

Randy giving a cheer

Dyson was at baseball practice but wanted to come, even if it was late, to the celebration party.  He is almost 15 - it was awesome that he would still take a picture with his grandma!

Dyson and I

It was a crazy, emotional day but a very good one.

Thanks to my family for all their love and support this past year.

I have an amazing family!! 

I Can Do Hard Things!

Today - August 15, 2013

My Chemo Treatments are D O N E !!!

18 treatments

every 3 weeks 

for 1 year

 FINISHED

I'm ready to go and be done!

It's mind numbing to think of all the feelings I'm dealing with right now.  I'm anxious, happy, scared, emotional, thoughtful, thankful, prayerful, nervous, weepy, laughing, confident, joyous, liberated, guilty, fatigued, hesitant, a huge sense of loss and optimistic.  All at the same time.....

18 treatment = 1 entire year.  Life for everyone continued to evolve while I was attached to a chemo chair and IV pole.  Marriages took place, babies were born, new homes were bought, new jobs were started, relationships deepened (and ended) and vacations happened.  Life continued.

The question most often asked to me is "what have you learned".  Seriously, I hate that question.  Like I stated in an earlier blog, I don't think I was "given" cancer to learn something or because I could handle it. However, as humans it's inevitable that we will learn something from most experiences (or we should). 

I decided to try and find an answer to that question. Looking back over this past year of cancer, surgery and chemo I feel that I have learned the most about myself.  I've always been a fairly positive, happy - half full glass - kinda gal.  What I haven't been is very confident within myself.  I am confident in my job. I'm confident in my testimony of the gospel. I'm confident in my driving skills and that I'm a fairly good cook (when I cook). I'm confident that I'm a pretty cool grandma!!  However, I have never had the confidence that I could do anything difficult. Most times I play life "safe".  I discovered this past year that I am stronger than I realize.  I can do hard things.  It wasn't easy starting "over" at 44 and then again at 50.  But I did it!  I even bought a house and, more recently, a car by myself.  However, I never gave myself credit for my ability and inner strength to do hard things and come out of them relatively happy.  But last week I had my "Ah Ha" moment.  Just a little thing but BAM!! It involved having the confidence to do something that 18 months ago I wouldn't have attempted.

This past year so many people have told me that they "could not have done" chemo, or surgery or shave their hair off, or walk around bald, etc.  I never thought I could either. But, amazingly - all those experiences helped strengthen my inner confidence.  Huh!  (is this where I thank cancer and chemo?? Nah)

I CAN DO HARD THINGS!!  I'm hoping now that I have finished (YAY!) chemo, and after that one last surgery, my life will get easier.  I could use a break.  However, when (not if) things go crazy, as life often will, I know I can get through those new challenges as well. It may not be easy but I can do it.  

Getting ready to leave for the last chemo~  Thumbs UP!

My amazing Oncology nurses!
Paula and Wendy (on either side of me) have been with me the entire time!  

They had a little bell for me to ring.
It says "I DID IT!" 

WE did it together!