What A WEEK I've Had!

Some weeks seem better to forget.

SUNDAY morning 2 am (Rexburg, Idaho)
      Suffice it to say - there's no place like home when you're sick... and throwing up .. and......

MONDAY morning (home)
YUCKY odor from my lifting/bleeding nails.  Called the doctor.  Of course they had the day off and the on-call gal wasn't very nice.  So I started taking Amoxicillian that I carry with me 24/7 because of my ITP.

TUESDAY morning (work)
Called the oncologist about my nails.  They don't know what to do as it is such a RARE side effect from the Taxotere.  I was told to keep taking the antibiotic and if it got worse to visit my primary physician. 

WEDNESDAY evening (Jenni's)
I start getting very very very achy.  OH NO!  Not the flu, please?!

THURSDAY morning (home)
Still very achy, nails are worse.  I have the start of a sore throat.  My left breast was red and under my arm was painful. Called my plastic surgeon (who was out of town) and spoke with the nurse.  I was told to watch it carefully... (ok).   I went into my primary about my nails.  His diagnosis was... SURPRISE!  Infection plus fungus yuck.  He gave me a prescription for Lamsil.  It's given daily for 6 weeks for fingernails and 3 months for toenails.  I'm taking it for 3 months....... blah.  Dr. Mower (bless his heart) told me that it will cure the problem about 80% of the time.  NOOOOOO  PLEASE do not give me a statistic!!  

Let's review my statistical luck~

Splectomy - 60% will "cure" ITP

     Jeri:  40% not cured

Breast Cancer 1 in 8 women

     Jeri:  the 1

HER2 gene (the most aggressive) not found in 80% of Breast Cancer cases

      Jeri: 20% HER2+++

I should go to Vegas!  Anyway, I'm trying hard NOT to focus that 20% of people will still have yucky nails the rest of their lives after this treatment.  BAH HUMBUG!

FRIDAY (home)

After a lovely lunch with my friends Colette and Rea, I called the plastic surgeon's office again.  Things were worse.  I was told to go the ER.  I whined about going there but the nurse patiently explained the severity of problems this type of infection can cause.  If the infection was too advanced I would have to stay in the hospital for several days - on IV's and have things removed and cleaned out surgically.  Not fun.  Thankfully -  I caught it early and it is treatable outside of the hospital. I was diagnosed with a "surgical wound infection".  I was given an IV (huge bruise - the nurse was terrible) and then sent home with MORE pills to take....two pills four times a day for seven days.  This morning I took 10 pills!  WHO said this isn't fun?!

My lovely hospital gown and IV (around the back) Feb 2013

Jenni's visit to cheer me up after my ER trip

If I feel good on Monday - the doctor wants to see me on Tuesday.  If not, he wants me in his office Monday morning.  

What next Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer??

One thing I have learned over and over throughout this cancer experience is that we each need to listen to our own bodies and then to ourselves.  We know our bodies better than anyone else, including the doctors.  I knew things felt different.  I knew something wasn't quite right.  I always worry about "bothering" someone else.  No more!  Health is too important and things can change in a flash.

SUNDAY (church)
I decided to be totally brave.  I made my first public appearance without wearing a hat or wig, to church.  I've pulled off my hat (as shown above) but have always had it close to quickly put back on my head.  Anyway, I felt it was quite brave of me.  I still don't have a lot of hair.  I still look like a cancer patient and not a woman with a chic hairstyle... but I DID IT!   What do you think??

My public debut - Feb 2013

STRIKE A POSE! 

Where Do I Go From Here

This isn't where I intended to be 

I thought I had it all

Now my certainties disappear
What do I do for my dreams to survive? 

 

 

I'm learning a lot about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. 

I think I have a version of it. 

Research has shown that PTSD can occur with cancer survivors

 especially since they are dealing with a life-threatening medical diagnosis.

(American Cancer Society) 

 

I've got some depression creeping around in my head.

I'm "gun shy" of making any long term commitments right now.

Just about anything can make me emotional - much easier than before!

I don't want to go anywhere but the rooms in my home.

 

In my head I am trying to figure out

Where DO I GO FROM HERE?

What is my next plan?

What do I do with this experience?

 

 

I still feel betrayed by my body

I'm still dealing with treatments every 3 weeks 

I will take a poison pill every morning - for the next 5 years

My fingernails are now totally black and lifting.  

Two fingernails are infected along with two toenails. 

Let's not even discuss what they look like or how they "smell". 

My breasts fill like over-sized croquet balls OR large softballs.

They feel like they have been hit by a club or bat on a daily basis.

 

 

I am scared - yes SCARED - of recurrence

I don't know if I could do this again.

My kids didn't like to hear when I didn't feel good

I don't think my brother or sister did either.

Scott heard the complaints - which wasn't easy.

No one wants to hear my fears -

So I've started therapy

 

 

My oncologist says there won't be any "scans"

unless he finds something.

He pushes around and listens to all my organs before my treatments

He hasn't found anything "new" which is great! 

I'd rather not have any metastasized tumors infiltrating my body.

But WHAT IF he misses something?

So back to my original question

Where do I go from here?

 

I know the answer is FORWARD

I need to figure out what my "new" life will feel like.

New because I'm not the same person that I was before.

This might take me some time

~Please be patient with me~ 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHARLY'S an Angel

 Charly is my friend.  Charly's name is Charlotte but I call her by her nickname - Charly.  Charly and Jeri.. we sound TOUGH.  We are TOUGH.

Charly is really T O U G H!

Charly just turned 7 years old.  

Charly was diagnosed with Leukemia not too many days after I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.  Charly and I are both fighting the DEMON cancer on a daily basis. The first time I met her, we showed each other our ports.
 
Charly has a HUGE smile and a great laugh!  She loves Hello Kitty and stuffed animals.  She's not a big fan of dolls... maybe one day.  She draws beautiful flowers...  Charly likes hats that cover her ears and her new scooter that she got for her birthday.  She likes the color orange (blue used to be her favorite) and she knows how to get through the levels of Batman on the Wii. She has missed over 100 days of school this year.... fighting the demon. 

Charly's artwork

I visit her and read the updates her mom posts.  I am amazed at her.  She goes more often for more treatments than I do.  Yet I've only seen her smile.  Of course she's 7 so I'm sure there are rough times for her and her family.  But she is strong.  I've decided her strength is heredity.  Her beautiful mom, her dad and her cute older sister are strong as well. 

I feel lucky to know Charly.  She is an angel that is here to help inspire others while she fights this horrible demon named cancer.

GO Charly!!

FIGHT LIKE A GIRL!

Me and Charly - 2013

Hair Again!!

Kindof.....   it's more peach fuzz then anything.  It is soft, though.  Baby SOFT!  AND Dark with gray.

It's a mystery, really, trying to imagine WHAT I'm going to look like one day in the near future.

Will I be BLONDE again?  I LOVED being blonde.  That's me! 

 or how about BLACK? 

Maybe  DARK Brown ...

OR could red be my shade???

It is somewhat exciting.  I can RE-invent how I look if I want.  Whatever I end up looking like....  I will still be me.  

I just hope the grandkids will recognize me!!