Getting STRONGER!!

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger

Just me, myself and I

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Stand a little taller

(Stronger - Kelly Clarkson)

STRONGER....  I'm feeling that way every day 

I now go to  work and almost everywhere without a hat.  My hair is growing. (I still look like a cancer patient but still....)

I boxed up my wigs and put them away on Saturday.

My "fight like a girl" and "pink ribbon" charms that I have been wearing around my neck now hang around my rearview mirror in my car.

I'm not dreaming about cancer anymore.

I don't talk about cancer or read about it as much.

I'm counting down (instead of up) the number of treatments I have left.  I figure I have 8 maybe 9 more .... single digits!!

I mentioned to Scott tonight that the further I get "away" from my Carboplatin/Taxotere treatment the stronger and better I'm feeling.  Looking back at those treatments I now realize that I really was sick.  I really did not feel good during that time.  There were more days that I probably should have stayed in bed.  There are more days that I should not have turned on my computer and worked.  There were more days that I should have taken better care of myself.

Maybe that's one of the lessons I've learned for myself during this trip.  It's alright to be "gentle" to myself... to take care of myself.  It's alright not to expect myself to perform at 100% every day.

I've learned that I'm stronger then I think.  It's alright to get discouraged - even depressed at times.  It's alright to cry and even have a pity party as long as I continue to move forward.

A poem I have in my home states:

Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the Spirit.

And I would add that it cannot take away my internal strength.

I feel that I have had a lot of spiritual strength on my side throughout this time.  I now look forward to each new day as I'm getting stronger physically and emotionally as well.

W A H O O O O ! ! !