N E D - what's it all about!

No  Evidence of Disease - N E D !!!

Thursday (March 21) I went for another round of chemo (Herceptin).  I meet with my doctor prior to the infusion.  He is such a gentleman - he offers his hand and helps me onto the examine table.  Then the conversation begins....

 

Doc:  "Do you have any cancer concerns?"

Me:  "Cancer concers?  Cancer concerns me...."

Doc:  "Have you felt any new lumps or bumps or anything questionable?"

Me:  "No.  Should I??"  (always afraid I'll have the wrong answer)

Then my gentlemanly doctor pokes, pushes, looks and listens to my body.

Doc: "You look good. I don't see anything that's of concern."

Me:  "So.... am   I... you know... NED?"

Doc:  "YES!  You have No Evidence of Cancer.  You are NED."

Me:  "Can I tell people that?" 

Doc:  (chuckles)  "Yes you can."

So PEOPLE of my blog world... I'm NED!!

It's rather strange.  I'm not jumping up and down and doing cartwheels like one would expect.  It feels like that time, not too many months ago, when I was told I had cancer.                      SURREAL

PLUS I'm never really out of the woods.  IT can come back to haunt me again.  I still emotionally have cancer.  This might take me a little time to get over..... and move on.... and forget.  Hmmm I will never forget.

BUT.. I don't want to drag down my blog today. I'm grateful that the chemo has/is working! Today I celebrated with chocolate and a Pepsi!! 

I will still be doing treatments.  7 more Herceptin infusions.  I will continue to take Arimidex (poison pill) for 5 years... to try and keep this beast away.  As a side note - reading about Arimidex - this little pill seems to increase  my survival odds....yes, we like that!  So, after doing all the chemo and continuing with Herceptin and Arimidex - according to the American Cancer Society - I have a 87.5% chance of making 2 years cancer free.  Pretty good odds!!     QUICK - knock on wood!

Anyway THREE cheers

N E D - Rah Rah Rah!!!

NED - 21Mar2013

 

Getting STRONGER!!

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger

Just me, myself and I

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Stand a little taller

(Stronger - Kelly Clarkson)

STRONGER....  I'm feeling that way every day 

I now go to  work and almost everywhere without a hat.  My hair is growing. (I still look like a cancer patient but still....)

I boxed up my wigs and put them away on Saturday.

My "fight like a girl" and "pink ribbon" charms that I have been wearing around my neck now hang around my rearview mirror in my car.

I'm not dreaming about cancer anymore.

I don't talk about cancer or read about it as much.

I'm counting down (instead of up) the number of treatments I have left.  I figure I have 8 maybe 9 more .... single digits!!

I mentioned to Scott tonight that the further I get "away" from my Carboplatin/Taxotere treatment the stronger and better I'm feeling.  Looking back at those treatments I now realize that I really was sick.  I really did not feel good during that time.  There were more days that I probably should have stayed in bed.  There are more days that I should not have turned on my computer and worked.  There were more days that I should have taken better care of myself.

Maybe that's one of the lessons I've learned for myself during this trip.  It's alright to be "gentle" to myself... to take care of myself.  It's alright not to expect myself to perform at 100% every day.

I've learned that I'm stronger then I think.  It's alright to get discouraged - even depressed at times.  It's alright to cry and even have a pity party as long as I continue to move forward.

A poem I have in my home states:

Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the Spirit.

And I would add that it cannot take away my internal strength.

I feel that I have had a lot of spiritual strength on my side throughout this time.  I now look forward to each new day as I'm getting stronger physically and emotionally as well.

W A H O O O O ! ! !

 

 

 

ECKO-ing

My poor little heart has been through a lot in the 57 years it's been ticking. It's beat wildly with excitement.  It has felt so much love and happiness that I thought it would burst. It's been broken to the point when I didn't think it would recover.  It has swelled with pride. 

But right now my heart could have issues. 

COULD.. but hopefully, NOT.  The current drug I'm on (until August), Herceptin, can cause "left ventricular cardiac dysfunction, arrhythmias, hypertension, disabling cardiac failure, cardiomyopathy, and cardiac death." 

Given that the heart is somewhat vital for living - an ECKO was performed on my heart prior to starting Herceptin (August 2012) and has continued every 3 months.  Wednesday (6th) is another ECKO.  On my last visit - my heart showed a little "damage" but thankfully it wasn't enough to stop the treatment.
 

Heart damage is a frightening risk but stopping Herceptin is a sobering risk.  Before 2007, only Stage IV HER2+++ breast cancer patients were given this drug - which is considered "a miracle drug".  In 2007 the FDA approved this drug for all breast cancer patients that are HER2+++.  Prior to that - anyone with less then Stage IV was told to get their affairs in order.  There was no way to effectively fight and stop the aggressive HER2 gene.

If my heart is deemed more damaged - my doctor will stop the Herceptin.  

There is nothing else "out there" in the same league to fight my nasty little HER2 gene.  Fighting will become a different battle.  

So right now I wait ... a little anxiously.... for another ECKO hoping my heart is still strong and healthy.