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| Christmas 2012 |
Last year at this time I was bald... all my fingernails and two of my toenails were black, infected and lifting. My eyes were watering like a garden hose and my nose was always running. It hurt to bend my fingers from the neuropathy and my ankles and feet were swollen. BUT I had finished my "nasty, very difficult" chemo and was on the way back to who I was. OR at least that is what I thought.... silly me - I can never be that same person. Mostly the same - but this cancer experience did change me.
It's amazing that with each change or challenge we go through, we change. Sometimes it's very subtle - so very slight - but it's there. No matter how much we would like it to happen - we can never return to the person we once were before we experienced a change/challenge. Most people don't like change. The unknown is generally a bit scary.
I live in a fairly young neighborhood. I watch these young, wonderful families and remember the time in my life when I was young and had my life mapped out to include "happily ever-after". Then unpredictable change and heartbreak happened. My father died. I felt I was too young not to have my father. I still had children living at home. Shortly after that, I went through an emotional and painful divorce from the man I thought was my prince. I didn't know how I would survive. I wanted my old life back. I wanted my old self back - the person who looked through those rose colored glasses following her map. But it wasn't to be. It couldn't be. I now had a new perspective of life and people and I couldn't go back to the way I saw things before. I had to learn what to do with the "new" me. I needed to understand how to make these changes a positive thing for myself.
I wrote in an earlier blog that I do not believe that God gives us horrible challenges to go through. God gave us life. HE gave us the resources necessary for us to deal with changes in our lives. How and what we do with those experiences is up to us.
I read a blog tonight by one of my friends. She's been dealing with a difficult cancer for several years. She wrote about gratitude. I understood completely what she was writing about. When you go through any difficult change - whether it's cancer, a divorce, dealing with an aging parent, new job, lost of job - or anything - you change. Some people choose to be bitter and grumpy because of their changes and what they have lost. Others - and it seems those dealing with a life threatening and/or terminal disease do this a lot - seem to look for the marvelous and wonderful things that life has left them. For me, I am lucky to have found my knight in shining armor - the love of my life. A man who loves me and thinks about me first. I have four amazing adult children along with their spouses who are kind and generous people. They are very tolerant of many things (and people) that others can not deal with. I am so lucky to have 7 grandchildren. They bring such joy and laughter into my life. Even though I have a dorky knee right now and my neuropathy in my feet is getting worse I am so grateful to wake up every morning.... even on cold, snowy days. There is nothing more beautiful!
Change might not always be easy but anytime we can learn more about ourselves, become more appreciative of what we have and move forward
- it's a good thing.
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| Life IS Good! November 2013 |
