Fight Like a Girl: I Can Do Hard Things!

Today - August 15, 2013

My Chemo Treatments are D O N E !!!

18 treatments

every 3 weeks

for 1 year

FINISHED

I'm ready to go and be done!

It's mind numbing to think of all the feelings I'm dealing with right now. I'm anxious, happy, scared, emotional, thoughtful, thankful, prayerful, nervous, weepy, laughing, confident, joyous, liberated, guilty, fatigued, hesitant, a huge sense of loss and optimistic. All at the same time.....

18 treatment = 1 entire year. Life for everyone continued to evolve while I was attached to a chemo chair and IV pole. Marriages took place, babies were born, new homes were bought, new jobs were started, relationships deepened (and ended) and vacations happened. Life continued.

The question most often asked to me is "what have you learned". Seriously, I hate that question. Like I stated in an earlier blog, I don't think I was "given" cancer to learn something or because I could handle it. However, as humans it's inevitable that we will learn something from most experiences (or we should).

I decided to try and find an answer to that question. Looking back over this past year of cancer, surgery and chemo I feel that I have learned the most about myself. I've always been a fairly positive, happy - half full glass - kinda gal. What I haven't been is very confident within myself. I am confident in my job. I'm confident in my testimony of the gospel. I'm confident in my driving skills and that I'm a fairly good cook (when I cook). I'm confident that I'm a pretty cool grandma!! However, I have never had the confidence that I could do anything difficult. Most times I play life "safe". I discovered this past year that I am stronger than I realize. I can do hard things. It wasn't easy starting "over" at 44 and then again at 50. But I did it! I even bought a house and, more recently, a car by myself. However, I never gave myself credit for my ability and inner strength to do hard things and come out of them relatively happy. But last week I had my "Ah Ha" moment. Just a little thing but BAM!! It involved having the confidence to do something that 18 months ago I wouldn't have attempted.

This past year so many people have told me that they "could not have done" chemo, or surgery or shave their hair off, or walk around bald, etc. I never thought I could either. But, amazingly - all those experiences helped strengthen my inner confidence. Huh! (is this where I thank cancer and chemo?? Nah)

I CAN DO HARD THINGS!! I'm hoping now that I have finished (YAY!) chemo, and after that one last surgery, my life will get easier. I could use a break. However, when (not if) things go crazy, as life often will, I know I can get through those new challenges as well. It may not be easy but I can do it.