Today I met with the plastic surgeon that will be "fixing" me. He said that most of his patients liked him because he made them "feel" better while the surgeon and oncologist makes them "feel" worse. Ok... I can buy that except....
I found out that my surgery will be from 3 to 5 HOURS long. THAT is a long surgery. That I will be sliced and diced and lipo-sucked during that time. From my clavicle to my hips I will be mutilated (my words not his). I will have 2 drains.. for 2 to 4 weeks. I'll have some contraption wrapped around me, I'll have a pain pump with LOTS and LOTS of pain. Did I say LOTS OF PAIN? I about threw up after Scott and I left his office.
We then went to UVRMC for an ECKO of my heart. For those that don't know.. it's like a sonogram for your heart. They can see the heart valves and the arteries as well as the number of times it pumps the blood. Pretty interesting. So this was a "baseline" of how my heart looks today. The doctors will be monitoring my HEART as one of the drugs I will need to take for ONE year can damage MY HEART. Yeah... this is fun...
I'm not happy today. Just two weeks ago I was thinking how wonderful everything was going. My cousins are getting together for a reunion, my kids are coming in August for a week to visit AND I have tickets to Neil Diamond on July 28th. One day - one phone call - that all changed. I feel like a defect. Soon I will not look like me. I have 3 days left of looking like who I've been for years and years. And I'm scared. I don't like pain (who does, right?) but the brave face must be there to keep everyone else going.
I had a dream the other night that I had to get in a pool of eels for my treatment. But first I had to eat an eel so they wouldn't kill me. I was SO glad to wake up from that dream!! I wish I could wake up from this one.
It was so good to see you and we love you!!
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear you are going to have to face that. One suggestion- have someone stay in the room with you (husband-family member). You will not be able to move your arms and if you need something you will not be able to reach for the call button. My sister stayed with me and it was a real blessing. I woke up in the early morning and needed more meds and she was there to call the nurse for me. It was wonderful to wake up and not be alone.
ReplyDeleteDon't mean to scare you but, the day before surgery they may have you come in to shoot you with dye so they can see them the cancer better. If they do, have someone drive you. I thought it would be through an IV or pill so I went by myself. Instead they used a needle and shot it straight in my breast. I was not able or did not want to drive home.
Jeri, I wish you all the best in this difficult (wow that sounds so trite...difficult) situation. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I know what you mean, just when you start to get comfortable with life and think things are good, you get sucker punched. Sometimes it seems like if anything bad can happen, it will. We've known each other for so many years. You are such a strong person. I know what you mean about being strong for every one else. It is hard to give yourself over to letting other people care for you. Let those who love you shelter you in their love. Easier said than done, I know. I love ya, Jeri. Best of luck tomorrow. You're in my prayers.
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