And Many, Many More....

Happy Birthday to Me

Happy Birthday to Me

Happy Birthday I Made It

Happy Birthday to Me 

and many, many, many more!

I received a BIRTHDAY card from the American Cancer Society - Making Strides Walk.  Interesting tidbit they listed in my 'card'.  Breast cancer death rate is down 33%.  Thanks to all the progress made in breast cancer research and treatment 17,000 women celebrated their birthday in 2012 - who otherwise would have "been lost to breast cancer".  Now THAT is some birthday card!!

I wanted to spend the past weekend at the cabin with Randy, Jenni and their families for my  early birthday celebration.  The weather did NOT cooperate.  So - we have postponed it for a few weeks.  However, my DAY - January 14th, was great.  Rusty, Collette and Owen did some Facetime with Scott and I.   Rick and Anna both called.  Hank, Max, Randy and Annie called earlier and gave a great rendition of the birthday song.  My friends at work took me to lunch and another friend is taking me to lunch on Wednesday.  Scott grilled some steaks, ordered and picked up the birthday cake and ice cream AND has dinner reservations for Thursday night.  It was a wonderful birthday and I am so GRATEFUL I am here to start my next year of life!!

Pictures from the evening..... awesome family!

Love my man!

One day he will smile!! I know it!

Queen for the Day

Not really.....

Will you STOP taking pictures?!!

Randy, Annie, Hank, Max, Sam and me

Jenni, Lynn, Dyson, Colby, Lennon and me

 

Leading the singing of Happy Birthday

I can still blow out ALL my candles!!  Wahooooo

    

A fun armful of grandbabies! 

 Thanks to everyone for making me feel so special and loved!  It was a fun day... just wait til next year!

Katie Has it Wrong

 I've always been a Katie Couric fan.  I haven't had a lot of opportunities to watch her on TV over the years.  Just a few minutes before I would dash out the door when I worked in American Fork.  Yesterday I watched her new talk show "Katie" and was intrigued.  Katie went on her show WITHOUT any makeup and asked her studio audience to do the same thing.   It was a good show and had some interesting guests with excellent comments regarding society and the pressure on women to always be thin or look good.  It's absolutely true but sadly, most of us fall into that trap.


I enjoyed the show and agreed with Katie until.......

The last few minutes she announced her "hottest" husband contest winner. She wanted to find the "hottest" husband that loved his wife no matter what she wore or looked liked.  She spoke of the entries she had from so many women, those that spoke of long term - loving marriages, those that spoke of being together through sickness and financial problems, etc.  THEN she introduced the 3 finalists to her audience.  They were all fairly young.  None spoke of difficulties and of being there for each other.  One did a "tootsie roll dance" and slept with his shoes on.  THAT was the winner.

Yes, he was cute.  They were a cute couple.  They had been married for a few years BUT Katie got it wrong!  Anyone can crack a joke, wear shoes to bed and do a dance.

I guess my definition is different.  Looks are nice but what matters in the long run is substance.  BUT not everyone can be a TRULY HOT HUSBAND.  So here's my definition of a HOT HUSBAND - who is a HERO.

A HOT husband is someone who tells his wife, right after a bilateral mastectomy, how beautiful she is.  He buzzes her hair off, that he always loved, with tears in his eyes.  He buys his wife an amazing camera because she had several meltdowns and feels worthless.  He sends her flowers when her nails turn black and calls her throughout the day so she knows he is thinking of her and loves her.  He walks proudly by her in public with her only wearing a hat (it's very noticeable she is bald).  He kisses her bald head and tells her she is beautiful and he loves her.  He sits with her for hours during her chemo treatment.  He sits through biopsies, MRIs and scans.  He sits through meetings with doctors and surgeons. He gives up things that are important to him saying nothing is more important then her. 

A HOT husband is there in a nano minute when any of their kids or grandkids have issues, problems or ball games.  He was the person MORE patient with his wife's elderly mother.  He would listen to her for hours when others grew tired.  He was there when she died.  He was there to comfort his wife and her mother.

A HOT husband buys potatoes and oranges and other items throughout the year and takes them to the homeless shelter.  He takes clothes there throughout the year.  He shovels/snow blows the entire street and shows up for "volunteer" assignments even when he knows no one else will be there. 

A HOT husband is the man I'm married to.  He tells me I saved his life.  He saved mine. 

Katie has it wrong.  Anyone can do some sort of dance.  Not every man can be a HOT HERO HUSBAND.

My HOT husband - Thanksgiving 2007

 

Summer 2008

On our way to my bilateral surgery 2012

On our way to my first chemo 2012

Happy to be together

It's My BIRTHDAY....... almost

And a BIG 

W A H O O O O ! ! !

I've had a lot of BIRTHDAY celebrations... this one might be the best

Six months ago (seems like forever) I didn't know what I would be doing on my birthday or
 if I would even be HERE.
 I really haven't spent too much time contemplating my demise
 but it does enter into your little mind from time to time once you hear the "C" word.

It seems that we as humans too often walk around with blinders on... we don't really SEE life.  We are always in a hurry and worried or upset about things that don't really matter.  One of the greatest blessings of these last 6 months is looking at life with a new perspective.  Trying (always trying) not to let unimportant issues cloud my day and upset me.  Enjoying simple, precious moments....  the laughing of Dyson, Colby, Hank and Max - and trying to take their picture, Lennon's "crusty" look, Sam's crazy hair and Owen's dancing.  The corny jokes from my husband, his great smile (yes he does smile) and his infectious laugh.  This year I don't even care if Scott turns on the outside Christmas lights now that the holiday season is past. It doesn't matter.

It's amazing to take time for the little pleasures in life...  snow and winter (even though my head is cold), birds, all the leaves that had to be raked, root beer freezes, Texas Roadhouse rolls, a perfect steak and a good barbeque grill.   The ability to fly half way across the country in 3 1/2 hours, 35 mpg's in my car and a  warmer in my car seat.  

If cancer decides to stay with me, or comes back, I will be ok.  My life is good... in fact, it's great! I've wondered over the years what will I leave this world when I die.  E A S Y!  My legacy is my children.  I have wonderful children.  I am so proud of them all.  They have grown into amazing adults, spouses and  parents.  I'm proud of their spouses and children, too.  They are all incredible.

But hey, I'm not going anywhere!  I'm looking forward to this next year.  I'm anxious to see what color my hair will be and if it will be curly or straight.  I'm excited to regain my energy, eyelashes and eyebrows!! 

I'm different this birthday. I'm not the same person I was last year. 

 I can't go back and be who I was at my last birthday - before cancer - I don't want to. 

 I like where I am at!

Just for fun - Here are some pictures from BIRTHDAYS gone by...

1st birthday with my mom

6th birthday with Thumbelina

12th birthday

Birthday 2009

Birthday 2012 - blowing out the candles with Sam's help

2012 - I always love a birthday party!!

Prickles of hair and black nails, Oh My!!

YEP!  The hair is starting to come back!  I tried to take a picture to post but all I could see was my splotchy bald head.. oh my!   So everyone will just have to take my word for it.  Scott says there is DARK hair coming in - maybe more dark then gray.  I think he is just being nice......

That is the good stuff that is happening.

But there is bad... Miserable stuff too

My LEGS!!  My ANKLES!!  My FEET!!  OH MY!!!  They are SO SWOLLEN, as in elephant size swollen.  I can not zip my boots up.  Mind you, I have lost 35 pounds since I bought those boots so there should not be a zipping problem.  The doctor has called in a little something for me at the pharmacy.  I do hope it helps as this is NOT fun.  Oh wait    cancer - fun.....

Then we have to consider my hands and feet - more accurately, my fingernails and toenails.  They are BLACK and ugly and they hurt.  The nails on five fingers are lifting and the nail on one toe.  It's difficult to button, zip, type, make the bed or pick up anything.  I'm actually quite miserable right now.  These darn nails could take months to grow out.  I can only hope they don't all lift up and fall off.

I'm fairly melancholy today.  Several weeks ago a friend passed away from Stage IV breast cancer.  When she was diagnosed she actually had a smaller tumor then I and was slated at Stage IIa (I'm IIb).  Everything else about our diagnosis was similar.  I realize that no two people have the same experience and results with cancer.  What helps one person might not help another so it is very humbling.  Another friend who is only 29 - said her final goodbyes in her blog on Dec. 26th.  These friends are part of an online support group for HER2 positive breast cancer that I belong too. We have never met but we share the same battle.  We communicate via messages giving support and hope to each other.  Sadly, those two women make numbers 5 and 6 that have passed away since October. 

January 1st marked THREE years since my stepson (Kim's son) Austin passed away from osteosarcoma cancer.  He was 21.  He didn't have time to get married.  He didn't have time to have any children.  He only had his drivers license for a couple of years before he had to stop driving because of the cancer.

I sure loved this kid~

  This is Austin the year his dad and I got married. 

 This is how I like to remember him~ 

I don't remember how many skateboards he broke!

 This is Austin a couple of months before he passed away.  

He had stopped chemo. It wasn't working

February 22nd will mark 15 years since my dad passed away from cancer.  He had melanoma and carcinoma.  His cancer metastasized into his organs. He was a genuinely kind and empathic man. He had a HUGE toothy grin.  He was very intelligent but never looked down on people.  He LOVED sports especially BYU football and basketball.  He had aisle seats in both venues that I still have today.  He had a cute little bald head.  I like to think that he would have liked my bald head -  not the reason why I'm bald.  We could have compared shines!! 

I miss my dad~

My mom and dad.

  My dad always looked the same~

This is my dad the year before he passed away.

BIG grin - always~

I'm not very happy with cancer - certainly not a fan! (who is, right?)   It has taken a lot of good people and things from me.

I wish there was a cure. 

KIDS, Christmas and Chemo - what a week!

E  M  O  T  I  O  N  A  L

again....

 this about covers me for the past week. 

Rick came from Portland via car with a co-worker on Friday, the 21st.  Jenni and I drove to Rupert, Idaho to pick him up and bring him the rest of the way here.  Then on Sunday morning Rusty, Collette and Owen flew in from Madison by way of Chicago.  ALL my kids were here!!  This was the first time since 2005 that we have all been together for Christmas. 

Several times over the course of this past week, I would get a little emotional (ok - choked up) when looking at my amazing children, their wonderful spouses and my precious grandchildren.  I feel so fortunate, lucky and especially blessed to have them in my life.  Time together is such a gift.

Christmas Eve 2012

I did my annual Christmas Eve party.  We had a nice dinner then opened gifts from each other.  Everyone had previously drawn a name and I had to throw in a few more extra gifts for everyone.  It was fun to watch everyone's reaction to the thoughtful gifts they received.  It was such a nice evening filled with a lot of love for each other.

Christmas morning came once Owen woke up. There were some presents from SANTA .....

THEN off to breakfast at grandma and grandpa Griffin's house (Stan & Jerry) with the relatives~

Stan & Jerry 2012

Christmas morning breakfast (part of the group)

  Next, Scott and I went to Riverton to visit Taylon before he and his family took off for the day.

Taylon and Scott

Kamden

A do-it-yourself model of an engine .... fun

Later... much later.. that evening we went over to Jenni's house and then Randy's house to see what Santa had left for the kiddos.  Apparently Santa dumped out his sleigh between those two homes.  I did get ONE more gift from Jenni....   Oh yeh!! 

L O V E  the Killers!!  (I rock this shirt!)

This Christmas week was incredible.  It snowed, my family was all together and I have so much gratitude in my heart for so many things.  I was sad to see the week end and my kids leave. 


DECEMBER 26th~  ROUND TWO infusion Seven~

Round Two

Infusion SEVEN

Rick went with me to the American Fork chemo room.  He was a great chemo buddy.  I'm sure it's not an easy thing to watch someone you love go through a chemo treatment but I appreciated him being there with me.

Chemo buddy for #7

Good news...  NO nausea... not much going on in the side effect department except INSOMNIA.  Hence me writing this blog at 4:00 AM........  THAT has got to change!

I Have a Wonderful Life

I really do!  I'm sure to many people this seems like a rather strange statement since I have been fighting to free myself from cancer for the past 5 months.

 It is strange - especially since:

*Last Sunday I discovered my fingernails are black.  I did have a meltdown ....

 BUT I'm still here and it's the most wonderful time of the year!

*I do have neuropathy in my fingers and toes.... 

 BUT I can still type, play the piano, walk and ride my bike.

  AND Christmas music is playing on the radio!

*I have chemo hands...

But I can still hug my beautiful grandchildren, my grown-up children

 my loving husband and friends. 

 AND the spirit of Christmas has been in our home for months

 because of so many kind people in our lives.  

*I have nausea for days and days and days ....

But Prayers have been answered on behalf of family members and friends.

 Neighbors show up "out of the blue" to sing carols or drop off goodies.

  And the Christmas cards!  I love getting Christmas cards.

*I have no hair and my eyelashes are almost gone....

But I have tried to imagine what my life would be like right now without cancer. 

 I can't.

A normal routine sounds foreign to me.

This is one of my life experiences.

However, I Do Know....

 even though I wouldn't have asked for cancer,  this experience has increased my perspective of life, prayer, faith, family, friends, acceptance and love. 

It's A Wonderful Life!

Scott said this is his holiday smile!  Love to you all~

The Bell Rang!

Friday December 7, which is the anniversary of Pearl Harbor Day (somehow that seems fitting) was my 6th and FINAL round of chemo for two really rotten drugs!!  Taxotere and Carboplatin are the culprits!  

Scott and I leaving for #6 (I get him to smile and it's blurry)

I, again, first met with Dr. Bott.  He reviewed my blood work - and I must say it was worthy of an A!  Both the white and red blood counts were good.  The white blood cell count was only 1 point below normal.  And... wait for it....... my platelet count is still at a wonderful  335,000.  YES!  I get such a thrill out of my platelet count as Scott, Dr. Bott and I have done battle for YEARS with those tough little platelets.  Dr. Bott, however, was concerned with my side effects from the Taxotere.  Apparently Taxotere and I don't play nice together and I have all the rotten stuff going on.  He contemplated not giving me the Taxotere at all (as I have neuropathy in both my feet and hands, the horrible watering eyes, etc.) but in the end decided to give me half the dose hoping my side effects won't get worse.  FINGERS CROSSED TO HOPING (and praying).  

After Dr. Bott - off to the chemo room we go for my chemo cocktail.  Scott and I took 2 dozen Christmas sugar cookies with us today.  I wanted to thank all the wonderful people that have worked with me and my peeps in the chemo room.  They were delicious and everyone seemed to enjoy them.  (Plug here for Lehi Bakery... BEST EVER!) 

HOURS later I was done!!  Nothing too exciting other than feeling itchy this time.  (That got everyone's attention.)  But thankfully all seems good - no allergic reaction.  After the nurse popped the catheter out of my port, she handed me a bottle of sparkling cider to take home and celebrate.  She told me to "go RING THAT BELL!"  

The saying above the bell

 

Me and the bell!

I wanted to make sure I was really eligible to ring the bell as I do have 17 more chemo treatments.  Everyone said YES as I finished one treatment with the crappy nasty mean drugs.  I guess I will get to ring the bell a second time when I finish this next round!

Anyway, I gave that bell three hard rings. EVERYONE cheered and clapped and I let out a big "WAHOOOOOOOO"  and then cried!  Oh my gosh.... this treatment has been so emotional and tough.  I'm not done - I still need to get through the next couple of weeks with the side effects.  I could end up with this neuropathy for the rest of my life. BUT I just completed ANOTHER milestone on my trek to kick cancer!

Scott and I had a celebratory dinner.  He ordered from Texas Roadhouse because I wanted a steak (hadn't eaten all day).  My body is in slow-mo tonight so eating in was my hearts desire.  

Quiet dinner for two  (I need an ice bucket - ha!)

CHEERS!  Another milestone

Next up - December 26th is my next chemo treatment with just Herceptin.  It will be in American Fork now instead of going to Provo.  The chemo infusion is about an hour.  Gone are those 5 hour chemo days!  After that - in January I will undergo another reconstruction surgery.  THAT will be another milestone!  I wonder if there's a bell there.......

You can ring my be-e-ell, ring my bell
You can ring my be-e-ell, ring my bell
You can ring my be-e-ell, ring my bell
You can ring my be-e-ell, ring my bell

(1979 Anita Ward)