GYNO 101

I went to my yearly gynecologist appointment today... somewhat bitter sweet.  Last June she was telling me the lump I found needed to be checked.  Heck yeh - I knew that - I'd get to it.  But she told me "now".  Just look what that got me!

She is very sweet. She has called from time to time throughout the year to see how I'm doing.  She wanted all the updated stories today.  She wanted to hear about my surgery, my totally rotten chemo round one treatment and how I was doing now.  Her eyes were moist when I told her about my nails and my depression.

I mentioned that now - with my hair coming in - so many people do not know how difficult and tough this past year has been for me. I mentioned how much I have missed my mom and how important family and friends have been through all of this.

I told her I didn't think I could go through all this again but she said she knew I could, if needed.  I mentioned how ticked I am that I have gained 14 pounds after losing 40 last year.  She said it's because my body is a "fighter".  Her comments were that my body was doing what it needed to do to fight the cancer and deal with the poison it was given.  She went on to say that skinny, tiny bodies can not fight as well and most often lose.  So the 14 pounds is a blessing.  It means my body wanted to fight and win.  She said that in the next 6 months my little body will stabilize - once the treatments are completed.

Funny thing... she actually made me feel GOOD about gaining some weight!!  HA!  That's a new idea~

My thoughts today are that I hope all my family and friends take care of themselves... CHECK for anything amiss in the way they are feeling in/on their bodies.  We only get one.  Let's keep them healthy and around for many years!

BTW - THREE MORE chemo treatments and then I should be done!  HOORAY~

I Think My Body Is Mad

Yep!! I think my body is mad at me. Not sure why - other than I've been filling it full of poison now for 10 months. Why would that make my little ole bod mad?

The past two days I have been having deep in-the-joint and bone aches and pain along with aches everywhere else in my body.  The bottoms of my feet hurt - the palms of my hands hurt. My FOOBs especially hurt. Tylenol will take away some of it for a few hours but tonight I had to crawl on my hands and knees UP my stairs!  It was too painful on my feet and bending my knees.  WEIRD STUFF!!

I'm kind of concerned... kind of.  I have no fever - no nausea - no sore throat or cough.  I think my body is just telling me that it's had enough.  But it's gonna have to "tough it out" for a little while longer.

By my calculations I have FOUR more chemo treatments.... 6/13, 7/3 (anniversary of the "c" news), 7/25 and... if all goes well -  8/15 should be my last treatment.

I've been telling my body the past two days that it's not MY fault.  IT messed up.  IT let cancer cells take hold.  I should be mad at IT not the other way around.  I've been trying to check for any new lumps - something that puts FEAR in the minds of cancer peeps.  But everything hurts too much to push around.

That's what I'm dealing with now along with trying to figure out HOW to lose this chemo weight!!

UGH